Since we're dealing with the pestilence of senseless communication, here's another one I wrote a couple of years ago. For general consumption, of course, the sentences would have to be much shorter, the words much shorter, and the message reduced to a comfortable "Bang!" However, it may prove to be covertly prophetic yet. -- Best regards, Wilfried Wolkenheim, the Fat-Bellied Significance Avenger




Grosstown, MD • March 20, 2029




The Watsonian Federation of

Carmichaelism in Pestilential Areas


Welcome, all you grudge-bearing, post-imperialistic Sub-Americans who might yet save the day for Borogrovian Preposterocracy! Welcome in this pitiful den of certified skeptics! May you live a zillion to the power of twenty quadrillion years and rejoice in lusty perfection! Be crowned, and yet be warned!


GROSSTOWN, Maryland. Grosstown, as you know, is a small settlement about two miles west of Pottstown, on the Philadelphia, Reading and Perkiomen turnpike. It contains at present seven houses, a schoolhouse and a blacksmith shop. It derived its name from a family by the name of Gross, who lived there about one hundred years ago, and who disappeared from that neighborhood over seventy years since. The town is located about 28 miles from what used to be the capital of the “United States”, and in a smudgy historic building still called “The White House”, a colorful cowboy character elected by a small suburbian flock in Washington, D.C., still calls himself the “President of the United States”, but as we all know, this is just a sad illusion with absolutely no administrative or military clout to back it up. To anyone outside a three-mile radius, he is but a laughingstock. Soberly speaking, he is the mayor of Washington, or what’s left of it.


Over in Grosstown, however, in a small cottage at the far side of the blacksmith’s backyard, a rabid conspiracy specialist took office on a late September day in 2025. Utilizing the remainders of an illegal nation-wide cable system and the resources of a secret underground CD and laptop factory, he managed to revitalize and vastly expand the Black-Faced Tronix Vanguard, originally just a splinter group of what used to be the Cyber-Freak Survival Foundation that had been founded in 2018 to protest the world-wide shutdown of the Internet. That infernal, white-collar terrorist-inspired shutdown had of course resulted in the final breakdown of the USA, the peaceful empowerment of Chinese Marshals along the West Coast, the not-so-peaceful consolidation of the Mexican takeover in the South and the break-up of the East Coast into rivalling, bomb-throwing, laser-shooting city states who pride themselves in Greek traditions, in spite of their thug-ridden administrations. There is still some autonomous, self-centered state authority in the Mountain States, which partially tend toward monarchy, but the militant smalltowns of the Midwest, as well as rural areas in the Northeast, exist under various factions of cruel warlords. In some areas, of course, where agricultural production and distribution is strictly enforced and organized by well-armed militias, a semblance of order still prevails. Ironically, the Midwest and Northeast militias call these areas “Sub-America”, for the time being, and cherish a concept of expanding these islands of beneficial dictatorial order, until once again the “islands” may unite into an orderly Sea, so as to revive the legendary United States of America. Oh say can you see …


We don’t have any solid statistical knowledge about the actual state of decay in North America, let alone Europe or Russia, but we all know about Grosstown because of its famous conspiracy artist. His real name remains a secret, but his doings enjoy cult status among the CD-trading kids in all the chaotic suburbs of Sub-America, where the surviving populace lives on the cabbage and potatoes grown in the backyards as well as the chicken and pigs raised behind terrible booby traps in the frontyards. He calls himself Amadeus Fitzgerald Watson, which is his unique way of poking fun at a 20th-century researcher by the name of Gerald Fitz Jumpmeyer who claimed that the “Watson” family (a very wide sweep indeed) was a second-league Illuminati clan, which is of course just an outrageous piece of bloodline-fixated rubbish because there have been far too many people by the name of Watson, and certainly most of them had no perceivable influence at all, or they were peace-loving, constructive citizens. – Right. Now, to get back to the point, let us consider the fact that Amadeus F. Watson certainly embodies the hopes of a disintegrated nation. Mind you, there are no presidential ambitions here, only a dogged persistence to clean up the sordid track that got us into this soup, and to lay down the groundwork for a better future. Even the mobster king of Chicago has mentioned him favorably, and that, in times as ours, is a compliment.



Composed, signed and sealed

by the Uppermost Living Implement

of the Black-Faced Tronix Vanguard





Copyright © 2029 by BFTV

Continued in Bulletin No. 2 of the Black-Faced Tronix Vanguard, "Carmichaelism Defined in its Application to Pestilential Areas".

For further continuation, see Bulletin No. 3 of the Black-Faced Tronix Vanguard, "American Armageddon How the Vice-Empress of Gomorrah Succeeded the Manchurian Emperor of Sodom".


And if you liked this, you might also like:

The Brotherhood of Obnoxious Flavor (An acid conspiracy satire)

What Really Happened Around the Mouse Tower at Bingen (Weird history from the Rhineland)

Zap it until The Skeleton Calls (A bit of grotesque poetry)

Through the Loony Glass (A bit of madhouse poetry)

And in case you read German, there is always my rich and plentiful GERMAN HOMEPAGE